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Positive Intent in Parenting

January 30, 2019 by admin Leave a Comment

I love making cross-disciplinary connections and because I’m always reading something in a variety of subjects I end up drawing all sorts of connections to the various subjects I study and love. Today, while wearing my business school professor hat, I read an article on Forbes about “The Hidden Power of Assuming Positive Intent” as it relates to business situations, and I immediately thought of how this would be a valuable exercise as a parent, or as a Montessori teacher.

I believe that humans are always doing their best, in whatever situation they are in. No one aims to do their worst. Even when people (whether they are children or adults) are “behaving badly” there is some aspect of their behavior that makes sense in getting their needs met, no matter how they are going about it. They are trying to survive, feel better, even if the result is seemingly destructive or negative.

For example, imagine the child who throws things in the house when they have been told not to. Your immediate thought might be, “They are ruining that toy and they are probably going to break the TV. What is wrong with them? Don’t they care about their things? Are they ungrateful? I already told them how throwing could break the TV and they are still doing it, they don’t respect me and they don’t care!”

It would be understandable to have thoughts like this. But you can reinterpret the whole thing differently, if you assume positive intent. Become curious about what is GOOD about this situation.

1. Your child feels comfortable disobeying you.

While you may not appreciate this one on its face, there is something about a child whose spirit is strong enough to not listen to instructions. Sure, we want kids to learn the rules of the home and the world, but we also want them to be independent. Think of the far opposite extreme, a child who ONLY does what we say, is afraid to do anything but please others. We would be worried about that child and how they will fare in life.

2. Your child is getting some great gross motor activity in and conducting experiments about their world.

Throwing is a whole body experience. It’s an experiment in cause and effect, not only in the physical world, but in the interpersonal world.

“I want to throw this doll.”
“It’s fun to throw this doll.”
“Look how her dress and hair spins around when I throw her!”
“What happens when I throw the doll underhand vs. overhand?”
“What if I throw it higher/faster?”
“What if I throw it over there?”
“Mom told me not to, I wonder if she’ll notice…I wonder how much throwing is okay, because I sort of half-threw the doll a second ago and she didn’t stop me, but now I’ll throw it even more and see what happens.”

Look at all this amazing stuff going on in your child’s head on a mostly subconscious level and probably in a split-second. When you can put yourself inside their brain, you can see there is no bad intent. You are learning something about them, and then you can even help them get what they need.

For example, if you are not okay with them throwing that particular toy, can they throw a different one? Or if you are not okay with them throwing indoors or in a certain room, can you tell them what they can throw and where they can throw it? Can you ask them what they like, or offer ideas? Be playful. It will help you connect and also not be so frustrated when you realize what is going on in your child’s mind is usually very, very innocent and curious.

3. Sounds implausible. I know my kid is just trying to make me mad.

You might thinking, “Honestly, I know my kid and they love seeing me get angry after they don’t listen to me. It’s like a game.”

To which I say, “BINGO!” You just solved it yourself – think about what is positive about them trying to get your goat. Remember, YOU are your child’s favorite toy. You getting mad and even potentially punishing them IS the game. Again, assume positive intent. Assume the goal isn’t just your misery. What does your misery provide them that is positive in some way?

“Mom is always so busy. I feel sad. I want her attention. She didn’t notice when I was playing quietly which is what she says she wants me to do all the time. So I’ll scream/throw the doll/paint on the wall to see if she notices me.”

In response to their bad behavior, you may stop what you are doing, and spend some time with them which is what they want. You are talking to them, sure you might be angry, but at least it’s something. You are spending time with them, maybe you walk over, point to the toy, and explain rules or more. This is a form of quality time they have just so creatively won from you. Now, you don’t want this kind of quality time, because it’s not yielding much that is positive in and of itself. So shift your focus to giving your child positive attention before it gets to the point they want negative attention.

This all sounds like a lot of work

That’s one way to think of it, but I’d suggest a more positive spin! Sure, it will take practice to remind yourself to use positive intent, but actually seeing a new side of things is not as difficult as you might think. Your brain is happy (and hard-wired) to just do the work for you if you tell it to. It’s called confirmation bias, which can be used for very positive or negative effects in any area of life. See, the brain is very good at taking a task we give it and running with it. If we tell our brain, “This is a bad kid, or this is a kid behaving badly.” The brain will go, “Okay, I will now find all the evidence this is true for you.” And it goes to work. So if you simply tell your brain, “I think there is another, more positive reason this child is acting this way, maybe even opposite of what I originally thought.” Your brain will just go to work on that instead. It’s like magic. So use that magic to your advantage. You’ll be a more creative thinker, better, probably happier and more fulfilled parent if you don’t always think of parenting and the difficult behaviors from kids as all bad.

Filed Under: Parenting, Personal Development

How to Neutralize Negative Parenting Thoughts

May 28, 2018 by admin Leave a Comment

Person holds up stencil of a frustrated expression on a cartoon face.

Photo by Andre Hunter, Unsplash.com

“I’m so tired.”

“I cannot believe they are doing this again.”

“Why can’t they just eat over their plates? I’m so sick of sweeping under the table…”

“Why don’t they understand that they need their bookbag/coat/boots/shoes/homework every morning?”

“What in the world could they [my children] possibly be unhappy about?”

*************************************

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? If so, you are not alone and you are a normal parent, and you have normal children.

This post is not about solving any of these problems or questions, well at least not directly. This post is about managing the thoughts, and therefore, emotions that arise in the course of parenting, and in doing so, you might just find what you thought was a problem is simply not appearing to you as problematic any longer.

In Montessori training there is the concept of the preparation of the teacher, which is undertaking self-study, self-observation (and really, self control) in all aspects of interacting with the children in the classroom. Dr. Montessori believed this preparation was more important than mastery of the academic subjects the teachers were to pass on to the students. I believe this same kind of self-mastery can be applied to the parent-child relationship and life in the home as well. Not only that, I believe it is crucial for our home and family life to thrive.

In The Discovery of the Child, Dr. Montessori said:

“The teacher must fashion herself, she must learn how to observe, how to be calm, patient, and humble, how to restrain her own impulses, and how to carry out her eminently practical tasks with the required delicacy.”

This is a tall order and a true calling. While almost any Montessori teacher will agree – being a teacher to a child in a classroom and being a parent to a child in the home is a completely different undertaking, I don’t see any reason why these principles cannot be applied by parents.

There is a lot of advice out there that talks about self-care, time management, hiring help – and while those things are great and if you have time and resources to support you in your parenting journey, then by all means, employ them. But not every parent has resources. Some parents have multiple children, or multiple challenges. As a mom of three kids close in age who manages a child with a 24/7 chronic illness, I often feel frustrated with advice that tells me to take a break or hire help if I’m feeling worn down. I really just don’t have that option. But I also don’t have the option to allow my circumstances to make me unhappy and bitter – because I am not and I want to be able to choose how I feel and how I parent.

So how do we parent through difficult situations? How can we ensure we do not let negative thoughts overrun our minds?

The first step is to recognize the thoughts will occur. Just accept that we are going to have negative thinking. This is very human. When we accept our negative thoughts we can more easily move on. When we start to feel guilt or shame about them, we actually run the risk of giving those negative thoughts more weight, and perpetuating more negativity about ourselves, which doesn’t help us or our child, or whatever the situation happens to be that is causing us to have negative thoughts.

The next step is to start observing our thoughts and bringing awareness to them.

Observation is key. If we are not observing ourselves while we parent to see what is successful and what is not, we run the risk of just going on autopilot, taking the path of least resistance, which may lead to what life coach Brooke Castillo has termed indulgent emotions (this particular podcast episode is one I have listened to many times, it is such valuable training to learn and internalize). Indulgent emotions have a sort of roller coaster effect, self-perpetuating because we repeat them so often. We are not even aware we are thinking them. She recommends observing your thoughts for a day, and list your top three emotions you experience during a day. I did this and was surprised to notice I often thought, “I’m so tired.” I’d think this whether I was busy or not, whether I was well-slept or not. It had simply become a habit to say that to myself. I decided that was unhelpful and I wanted to change that.

Once we have a good sense of what exactly we are thinking, we can then employ some kind of tool to evaluate and hopefully change the negative thought. You can do this informally by simply checking with yourself throughout the day, asking yourself quick questions.

For example, “How did our morning go? Could I have done something differently in the moment? Is there a change I could make that would help every morning go more smoothly?”

A question I ask myself a lot is, “Is this reasonable?” This is a great catch-all question for my expectations of my child or of myself. For example, when my 7 year old is supposed to be in bed and sees me pass by their room and calls out for “just one more hug!?” I might ask myself, “Is this reasonable?”

 

My answer might change depending on the day. Maybe yes, she had a hard day and needs those extra hugs. Maybe no, I have had a hard day and I remind her it’s time to be asleep or at least still and quiet in bed.

As you can see, this is not about being scripted and always responding the “right way”, whatever that might be. I believe we have to be flexible in our observations and willing to be patient with our children and with ourselves and creatively discover how to get all our needs met.

Another one of my favorite and quickest tools I have found is to employ neutral thinking. I am a huge fan of neutral thinking where positive thinking is just not realistic. The reason is that it is very difficult to take a negative thought like, “I can’t stand when my child won’t get ready on time. I’m so sick of this.” And turn it into, “I just love how my child takes their time and are their own person. What a lovely experience! I have no problem with this.” Yeah, that’s not happening.

You could, however, turn the thought into, “My child really is acting normally for their age and current situation. I can handle this disruption in our schedule by making some adjustments.” See how the thought is neutralized? You are just acknowledging the situation, you are taking the sting of emotion out of it, and just keeping things on an even keel.

You are moving into a more positive space by saying, “I can handle this.” You don’t have to be puppy dogs and rainbows about everything – that is just putting way too much pressure on yourself. However, you might be surprised how training yourself in neutral thinking makes positive thinking so much easier to access. Since I started my Montessori training and working in a Montessori classroom with master teachers, I have been so inspired by their composure. I have learned little tricks, phrases, and emotion management tools just by observing them. Quite frankly, just seeing that it is possible to stay completely calm no matter what a classroom throws at a teacher, and then seeing the response in the students who also stay calm has been so informative (if not totally miraculous).

Neutral thinking is a crucial step in moving towards positive thinking. When you are doing thought work you have to take small steps toward change, change you can actually believe. You might get to a point where one day you really do embrace every tiny moment along the way, but until then, just work on accepting the moments neutrally.

Another quick tool is an old favorite that everyone knows about, because it really works. Find a mantra, a short phrase you can repeat to yourself that is a catch-all for how you want to be as a parent. For example, “I love my kids.” Or, “I can handle this.” Or, “This too shall pass.” Any short phrase that will trigger a new feeling or a new way of acting positively can really be so helpful.

If you have more time to do some thought work as a parent, you may wish to employ a more thorough method that Brooke Castillo calls “The Model” and has a detailed video about it on her site. She uses an acronym CTFAR to prompt you to walk through the Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results in any situation you want to evaluate, or “model.”

For example, you just start with the facts, then move into the effects of how your thinking causes certain results:

Circumstance: my child is getting ready so slowly we are going to be late for school

Thought: I am so sick of this. I can’t deal with it this morning.

Feeling: frustration, irritation, overwhelm

Action: snapping at my child, dressing my child myself in a hurried way

Result: a child who feels hurried and confused about what they are doing wrong, a parent who is upset and frazzled, starting their day on the wrong foot.

It should be obvious enough that the more we repeat the same thoughts, we will get the same results. And if we keep getting results we don’t like, we need to trace the line back to the thoughts that started the chain of feelings, actions, and results in order to change.

You might be thinking, “No! The child needs to change! The child needs to stop dilly-dallying.”

Well. Maybe. (See how I neutralized that objection? 🙂 ) But if they could, they would have by now. For whatever reason the child is dilly-dallying and while we can find ways to guide the child to be more focused, the only person we have 100% control over is ourselves. This is a really important point I want to explore further another time. But for now just be clear: we do not have control over our children, and the false belief/thought that we do or we should leads to a lot of parenting problems.

So let’s change the thought to something neutral using the same circumstance.

New Thought: This delay is not going to derail the whole day, even if it’s inconvenient. Maybe I can learn something here and adjust our morning routine going forward.

Feeling: in control, optimistic, creative

Action: taking action, teaching my child how to be on task, proactive about how to handle future mornings

Results: even if this morning’s commute is delayed, future mornings will probably run more smoothly

I have been employing these techniques for a while now, and they make such a huge difference in my parenting, relationships, and how I view the problems I encounter as a parent. I hope you find these tips and links to resources as helpful as I have. I would also love to see some more sample models in the comments!

Filed Under: Montessori, Parenting, Personal Development, Thought Work Tagged With: neutral thinking, thought work

Howard’s Healthy Banana Oatmeal Muffins

May 23, 2018 by admin Leave a Comment

Save Print
Howard's Healthy Banana Muffins
Author: Milena Thomas
Recipe type: Breakfast
Prep time:  15 mins
Cook time:  25 mins
Total time:  40 mins
Serves: 12
 
A muffin sweetened by banana (and chocolate chips if you choose), that make a portable and delicious morning meal!
Ingredients
  • 2 large or 3 smaller ripe bananas (yields about 1.5 cups mashed)
  • 2-3 large eggs lightly beaten
  • ¾ cup milk of your choice
  • 2 tsp real vanilla (I prefer Penzey's)
  • 2 ½ cups old-fashioned oats
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp baking soda
  • ½ tsp salt
  • ⅓ cup chocolate chips (optional)
  • 1 tsp cinnamon (optional)
  • muffin tin, liners, large bowl, spatula
Instructions
  1. Pre-heat oven to 350.
  2. Peel the bananas and place them into the bowl first. With a potato masher or fork, mash the bananas until they are soft and nearly liquid.
  3. Add the liquid ingredients: beaten eggs (add an extra egg for more protein, and just add some additional baking time if you do), milk, and vanilla.
  4. Then add the dry ingredients: oats, baking powder and soda, salt, and optional chocolate chips and cinnamon.
  5. Pour an equal amount into a lined 12-cup muffin tin, and place in pre-heated oven for 22-25 minutes.
Nutrition Information
Serving size: 1 Calories: 233 Fat: 6 Carbohydrates: 38 Sugar: 9 Sodium: 98 Fiber: 37 Protein: 9 Cholesterol: 48
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I have been making these oatmeal banana muffins for over a year now, sometimes as often as once a week. Needless to say they are a HUGE hit with my kids.

The main reason I found this recipe is because M, who is a type 1 diabetic loves bananas, but as far as blood sugar is concerned, bananas are one of the most difficult foods for him to eat because his body metabolizes the sugar so quickly. So I thought if I could slow down the absorption of the sugar by adding fiber and protein, he could get his sugar fix without the ensuing blood sugar spike – I was right!

So why did I name them after H? Because he’s become the Chief Muffin Maker in our house. Whenever he hears that it’s time to bake muffins he runs to the kitchen and assembles the bowl, masher, and starts peeling.

This week he exclaimed, “Making banana muffins is my destiny!”

It’s undeniable.

This recipe originally comes from Brendid’s banana muffin recipe, but I do a few things differently to make my life easier and keep the sugar a bit lower. I actually like to add an extra egg and sometimes I add some coconut oil, because fat slows sugar absorption and helps keep blood sugars steady in general and I don’t think oil is unhealthy, either! I also don’t bother grinding half the oats into flour, because it’s an extra step and I think the muffins work just fine without it, although if you prefer the texture of ground oats, go for it!

Filed Under: Baked Goods, Breakfast recipes Tagged With: banana, muffins, oats

Chocolate “Diablo” Cookies

February 14, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

Chocolate-Diablo-CookieThe kids and I made these incredible cookies for my ever-loving husband, Mike,  who said, “Whoa! These are amazing!”

Me: Oh, yeah? Thanks! Is this the kind of cookie you like?

Mike: Yeah! I had no idea you knew how to make a cookie like this.

Me: You mean really chewy and crispy? That’s just not my favorite style…

Mike: And all this time I thought you just hadn’t figured it out…

Me: ???

Mike: …how to make a good cookie…

True love, ladies and gentleman…true love.


What I love about my husband, and our marriage, is that we don’t take things too seriously…or else we take things REALLY seriously. Anyone who knows us knows how true this is…either we are crazy goofballs or all business, there is not much in between. So, here were are celebrating our first Valentine’s Day in China (not counting the Qixi Festival, aka, Chinese Valentine’s Day, that is…), two serious goofballs who found each other and now have 3 mini-goofballs of our own…man, we are a band of crazy people, I tell you.

So we decided to make cookies for the special occasion. Although, literally any day is special enough to make cookies with my kids.

(By the way…I have been working on a Top Secret Chocolate Chip cookie recipe that I will reveal in due time, so there has been an inordinate amount of cookies in this house. I tend to shove them at anyone who will eat them, and so far the feedback has been very positive, so stay tuned.)

Last year I made incredibly rich, decadent raspberry caramel and dark chocolate ganache fudge brownies, and if you have a lot of time on your hands – I urge you to try the recipe…one of the best things I’ve ever made and tasted, period.

However, if you are short on time, but still want to surprise your sweetie with something uniquely delicious and are feeling adventurous – give these gingery-sweet-and-spicy cookies a try! You will not be disappointed!

I halved the amount of cayenne for the kids’ sakes, and the fresh ginger adds plenty of zing, as well as a unique fresh taste you don’t get with your average cookie. The flavor of these cookies is really unique – I have never had anything like them! They are super chocolatey, chewy on the inside, and just crisp enough on the outside as long as you take care not to burn them.

Brushing the cookies with sugar glaze so the sprinkles will stick!

Brushing the cookies with sugar glaze so the sprinkles will stick!

Pro-cooking-with-kids-tip of the day:

When in doubt, bring the sprinkles. Your children will literally help you cook anything- if they know, at some point, sprinkles will be involved.

In fact, you can just go ahead and call all your spices “sprinkles”…”herb sprinkles” “seed sprinkles” “spice sprinkles”. Anything that comes in a jar and can be sprinkled is magic for kids!

Save Print
Chocolate "Diablo" Cookies
Author: Kaeli Robinsong and Jason Sussman of Tacofino, From the Cookbook Eat Street
Recipe type: Dessert
Prep time:  20 mins
Cook time:  10 mins
Total time:  30 mins
Serves: 12
 
These crisp yet super chewy cookies are perfect for a special Valentine's Day treat - the fresh ginger gives them a zing and freshness you don't expect in a cookie! The cayenne adds a bit of heat - and I halve the amount for the kids.
Ingredients
  • 1½ cups all-purpose flour, sifted
  • 1 cup cocoa powder, sifted
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp cayenne pepper (half if you are worried about spice for the kids)
  • 1 cup chocolate chips or chunks
  • 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • ½ cup canola oil (or oil of choice, grapeseed, sunflower, melted coconut oil)
  • 3 TBSP freshly grated ginger
  • 1 TBSP vanilla extract
  • Optional:
  • Coarse salt and/or sugar for sprinkling on top
  • Optional sugar glaze (if adding colored sprinkles)
  • Sugar glaze
  • 1 TBSP water
  • 2 TBSP powdered sugar
  • Sprinkles
Instructions
  1. Preheat the oven to 375 F (190 C)
  2. Prep your baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.
  3. In a large bowl, sift together the dry ingredients: flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and cayenne.
  4. In a medium bowl, mix the eggs, brown and white sugars, oil, ginger, and vanilla together.
  5. Add dry ingredients and stir until combined - the dough will be very sticky which is what you want - this is what makes them spread out and get nice and chewy.
  6. Gather the dough into balls about the size of a small scoop of ice cream - I always measure out my cookies, and these were about 3.25 ounces each.
  7. Bake 9-11 minutes, or until you see the cookies start to crack, you want them a bit crisp on the outside and edges, but still fudgey and chewy in the middle.
  8. While the cookies cool slightly, mix the water and powdered sugar to create your glaze. Use a pastry brush or very lightly drizzle a bit of the glaze over the top of the cookie and then sprinkle with your choice of coarse salt, or sprinkles. Let the glaze and cookies completely cool and harden before eating. Store in an airtight bag or container - and these should keep for about 3 days.
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Filed Under: Baked Goods, Holidays, Sweets, Valentine's Day Tagged With: cayenne and chocolate, chocolate cookies, diablo cookies, double chocolate cookies, ginger chocolate cookies, spicy chocolate, spicy cookies

Raspberry Caramel Chocolate Ganache Brownies

February 13, 2016 by admin Leave a Comment

What better to serve your loved one on Valentine’s Day than a rich fudge brownie layered with raspberry caramel and chocolate ganache? These brownies ARE as delicious as they look! Raspberry-caramel-chocolate-brownies

The recipe for these decadent fudge brownies comes from Caramel, a cookbook by Carol Bloom. And while I loved the idea of layering rich caramel and dark chocolate ganache on top of brownies, I especially love raspberry and chocolate and tried my hand at (several attempts!) making raspberry caramel. My pains were duly rewarded with one of the most delicious desserts I have ever made and consumed. These are RICH…so you really don’t have to eat a huge square to feel satisfied. And they are unforgettable…I will be making these for years to come!

I will not lie – learning how to make a caramel sauce (my first time) was something of a process, so don’t make this recipe if you are not familiar with making caramel, are in a hurry or don’t have a back up plan! I found this video was the best for learning how to make caramel sauce of all the videos and tutorials I watched.

This ruby red raspberry caramel was divine!

This ruby red raspberry caramel sauce was divine!

This is a recipe I made on a solo mission – without my kids – because I had never made it before. And I wanted to mention this because I don’t cook absolutely everything with my kids – even things that seem super fun for kids like brownies! If I know I’m likely to feel frustrated or overwhelmed by a recipe – I will try to set aside time when I know they will be occupied or asleep so I can really focus.

Save Print
Raspberry Caramel Sauce for Layered Ganache Brownies
Author: Carol Bloom, modified by Milena Thomas
Recipe type: Dessert
Prep time:  1 hour
Cook time:  45 mins
Total time:  1 hour 45 mins
Serves: 12
 
This is a rich, sweet and tart raspberry caramel sauce that pairs perfectly with Carol Bloom's decadent brownies!
Ingredients
  • 10 oz. frozen raspberries (you can use fresh too)
  • 1⁄4 C. water
  • 1 C. sugar
  • 2 Tbsp light corn syrup or honey
  • 2 tsp lemon juice
  • 1⁄2 C. heavy whipping cream
  • 2 Tbsp butter
  • Other tools:
  • Fine mesh sieve
  • Pastry brush
  • Candy thermometer (optional)
Instructions
  1. First add the berries and lemon juice to a small saucepan and bring to a simmer, stir and break down the berries with a spatula until you have a smooth consistency and all discernible raspberry chunks are gone. Strain the seeds and set aside to cool.
  2. Once cool, add the heavy whipping cream to the raspberry mixture and set aside again, it will be added to the caramel mixture towards the end.
  3. To make the caramel, get all the ingredient and tools you need ready because once you start making it, you should not leave the pot!
  4. Combine the sugar, water, and syrup or honey and stir just slightly to combine. Wet a pastry brush with water and brush it around the inside of the saucepan just above the sugar mixture, this will help ensure sugar crystals don't form which can make the caramel grainy. You can repeat this damping process if you notice sugar crystals forming again.
  5. Turn your heat on medium and do not touch or stir the caramel at all the remainder of the time it is boiling. Also, do not leave the pot unattended at any point. Caramel can go from light amber to dark and burnt rather quickly. You may wish to use a candy thermometer, which is not necessary, but can ensure the consistency you want, which for this recipe is more sauce-like in the 250-275 degree range, rather than a hard, chewy caramel candy consistency, which is 300 and above.
  6. The caramel will be ready when it reaches a deep amber color. You may be tempted to stop once you see a light amber color because you have likely read all about burnt caramel in the internet, but don't, it will be too thin for the recipe and will just taste like sugar syrup instead of a rich caramel taste. It will be a dark brown color almost like whiskey or bourbon. If you see or smell smoke, remove from heat right away!
  7. Now you will add the raspberry cream mixture and the butter while whisking constantly. (You may want to wear an oven mitt if you can manage it with pouring and whisking, as the caramel is very hot and will stick to your skin and burn you if it splatters while you pour.) A hard ball may form in the center - do not worry you have not ruined anything, keep stirring and it will all melt together. You can use low heat if you are having trouble getting it to liquefy.
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Filed Under: Baked Goods, Holidays, Sweets, Valentine's Day Tagged With: brownies, caramel, caramel brownies, caramel sauce, fudge brownies, ganache, layered brownies, raspberry caramel sauce, raspberry fudge brownies

Coconut Rice Frushi

December 3, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Lately I’ve been feeling like if I didn’t get back to cooking in the kitchen with my kids we were all going to go crazy. I didn’t realize just how much fun and connection cooking provided us until I stopped doing it for almost two months! It dawned on me when, for what seemed like the 100th day in a row, my kids were acting up, aimless, bored, and fighting with each other after school while I coco-holding-a-star-fruitwas trying to make dinner.

I was wondering, “What happened? They used to get along better. Maybe it’s China? Maybe it’s the new school schedule?” And then I realized, I often cooked with my kids before dinner time. Sure, cooking with kids is not a cure-all – but it is a great alternative to TV time or fighting over toys, and as soon as I told them we’d be making this snack the mood shifted (and it wasn’t just about delicious coconut sugar-rice) they were interested in what they were doing, worked cooperatively, waited patiently, and we had a great time.

In this way, I think cooking with our children serves a function beyond just having fun with kids, or just teaching them about cooking and the accompanying skills. I think it must serve some kind of bonding, important family tradition and even behavior problem-solving mechanism. Think about it – did the cave people have time to bicker over toys when they needed to get some food for dinner? I know, silly analogy, but cooking organizes our thoughts, time, and actions into a purposeful, fruitful activity. It serves a real human need to satisfy hunger and cravings for connection and delicious flavors. If we did some real research on the topic, I’m sure we’d find all kind of cool innate drives to hunt, gather, cook, eat that even basic cooking in the home satisfies. But I don’t need to find that research study, I’m convinced on my own about the importance of cooking in the home.frushi peach and star fruit2

I recently found this cookbook, Time (for kids): Kids in the Kitchen. As soon as I saw frushi, I had to make it. It was so easy and delicious (I may have eaten more frushi than my kids did.) While not real sushi, it is inspired by Japanese sushi, and you could discuss with your kids why we are calling it frushi, the origin of sushi, as well as how you really make sushi, if they have not yet been exposed to sushi yet.

Just a hint: If you want to make the process go more smoothly and quickly, I suggest making the rice mixture the night before or several hours before the kids get home from school so that it is chilled and set to shape and decorate with toppings. If you decide to make it with your kids from the start, just know my kids weren’t all that interested in waiting for the rice to cool, and had more of a coconut rice pudding with fruit experience, which they didn’t seem to mind at all…this stuff tastes really good. But the next day, the leftover frushi rice had set wonderfully and we enjoyed second helpings that held together nicely.

Extension activities

I do want to say: please don’t feel overwhelmed by this list! Sometimes I come across lists like this on blogs and my head spins thinking I’m supposed to click and do everything, and then I just give up. Don’t worry about that – just scan below and if you find something that looks cool to you or your kids, feel free to tack it on to the recipe-making. Keep it fun!

Practical life activities – practicing rinsing rice using a bowl of water and a sieve, measuring sugar, pouring water between two cups

Sensory activities – tracing letters or shapes in a tray of rice (some people like to color the rice for fun), tasting seaweed snacks, smelling Japanese tea

Science – Study the different grains of rice and the way they react to cooking, purchase a few varieties and have a taste and feel test, have your kids describe the differences. You can check out the Whole Grains Council’s handy rice info page to learn more; plant a Japanese maple tree

Geography – Working with globe and map to identify Japan, learn about the Japanese flag, people and culture of Japan.

Mathematics – Sort and count small objects relevant to Japan; Japanese fabric is known for fascinating and intricately beautiful repeating patterns, print and look at the patterns for repetition and recognizable shapes

Art – Learn about Japanese Furoshiki, a creative way to wrap gifts in fabric; Let your children explore the ingredients in new ways (my kids used the star fruit in an art project), there are a lot of ways to use rice in art as well; learn about the Japanese art of bonsai

star-fruit-artLanguage – reading Japanese-themed fiction for kids; reading about Japanese history and culture such as the Japanese Tea Ceremony; write a Haiku about frushi!

 

Save Print
Coconut Rice Frushi
Recipe type: Snack or Dessert
Cuisine: Asian inspired
Prep time:  1 hour 30 mins
Cook time:  20 mins
Total time:  1 hour 50 mins
Serves: 16
 
Ingredients
  • 11⁄4 cups water
  • 1 cup short grain or sushi rice, rinsed until the water runs clear 1⁄4 cup coconut milk
  • 1⁄4 cup sugar
  • Dash of salt
  • 1 T shredded coconut (optional)
  • Variety of cut up fruits: banana, peach, raspberries, mango Vanilla yogurt to dip the frushi if desired
  • Parchment paper or silicone mat
Instructions
  1. Rinse the sushi rice several times to remove all the starch.
  2. Bring the water and rice, combined, to a boil in a saucepan, stirring a bit every 1-2 minutes until the
  3. water comes to a boil, then immediately turn down to a simmer and cover for 15-20 minutes until the water is gone and the rice is plump. It should not be too firm when you taste-test it, but also not too mushy. Check every 6-8 minutes or so to ensure the rice isn't burning.
  4. Once the rice is done, pour into a bowl with the coconut milk, sugar, and dash of salt. Mix to combine, then cover and let rest and cool for 20 minutes.
  5. At this point, you should be able to gather the rice together into a little roll by scooping with a spoon and forming into an oval shape. If the sushi is too loose - I recommend re-heating it to reduce the liquid. Coconut milk's consistency can vary from brand to brand, so it is possible there is too much liquid (this was the case when we made the recipe.) So if you reheat, just be sure to give another cool- down period before your children work with it. As I mentioned in the post, letting the mixture cool in the fridge for several hours or overnight will yield the best results.
  6. I recommend using parchment paper or a silicone mat to place the fruity rolls on, as they can be sticky to remove. Form the rolls and have your kids help to decorate them, you can use a dab of honey to help the fruit stick if needed.
  7. Place in the finished rolls in the fridge to cool for a 15 minutes (if your kids will wait!)
  8. The sticky rice mixture will keep in the fridge for 2-3 days.
  9. Enjoy!
3.5.3208

Filed Under: Snacks Tagged With: coconut, fruit, frushi, japanese cuisine, rice

Revamping this Blog

October 26, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

For anyone who is visiting here after several months to find there is just this one lonely blog post – I have some ‘splaining to do…

See, I moved to China. And then chaos ensued, including losing ALL my websites and their content because I’m not a web developer anything and don’t know basic things like how to back up a website.  (ha! good thing I was never too attached to them, no?)

However, I am very committed to rebuilding this blog, and I hope it can be even better now that I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on why I started it and what I hope to accomplish. But it’s going to take some time, and I’m going to shift directions a bit, to include not just recipes and cooking ideas, but parenting and education ideas as well.

So a few things:

1. We’ve covered I moved to China – and I hope this can be a big part of what I share here: food, culture, kids…and of course, chaos.

2. I started training as a Montessori teacher around the same time I landed in China and I have sooooo many more thoughts and ways to approach not only cooking with my kids but just about everything I do with my kids, and I hope that I can share some great insights here.

3. I discovered and have implemented the KonMari method, which is just as crazy, and home-life-changing as she (Marie Kondo) promises in her wacky and endearing book which reads like her love letter to tidying. She is just great, and a little crazy, and I guess that’s why I feel like we’d be best friends if we ever met (and if you struggle with a cluttered home, I promise her method works, as a life-long disheveled mess, myself).

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Tang Yuan and Lunar New Year

February 19, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Today is the celebration of the beginning of the Lunar New Year in many Asian countries. A friend of mine posted on Facebook that saying, “Happy Chinese New Year” is actually a bit of a mistake, since many countries and cultures celebrate the new year today, and saying “Happy Lunar New Year” is more accurate. Good to know!

I think food is a great bridge to learning about other cultures so we have been making some traditional Chinese foods in anticipation of exploring the meaning and traditions of the holiday. I had read about how tang yuan are a traditional treat prepared and served on several Chinese holidays. It is also fun to make and eat, and has the following symbolism which I think is wonderful to share with children as a family,

For many Chinese families in mainland China as well as overseas, tang yuan is usually eaten together with family. The round shape of the balls and the bowls where they are served, come to symbolise the family togetherness.

We made this tang yuan recipe (though there are many other versions that I hope to try) with some omissions as I didn’t have time to go to a store that has some of the specialty ingredients, but hope to do so soon! Also, don’t let the name confuse you, glutinous rice flour has no gluten- the “glue” means glue-like or sticky – and tang yuan are indeed quite sticky. In fact, I would use caution if feeding them to younger children as their round shape and extreme chewiness might be a choking hazard! Enjoy and let me know what you thought of this fun food and activity!

Click here to skip straight to the recipe

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tang-yuan-tasting

 

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Save Print
Tang Yuan
Prep time:  30 mins
Cook time:  10 mins
Total time:  40 mins
Serves: 4-6
 
This is a modified version of a traditional tang yuan recipe, meant to substitute ingredients for what most western households might have on-hand or could find in most grocery stores, however I highly recommend taking a trip to your local Asian market, which most cities will have, to explore new flavors and ingredients with your children!
Ingredients
  • 1 cup glutinous rice flour (also can be found as sweet rice flour)
  • 1⁄2 cup water for making dough
  • 1 tbsp powdered sugar
  • Food coloring of choice
  • Sweet Syrup Soup
  • 2 inches of fresh ginger, crushed with the side of a chef's knife 4 cups water
  • 5 tablespoons light brown sugar
Instructions
  1. Add flour and sugar to a large mixing bowl and add water until the mixture is smooth, but not too sticky. You may need more water if you find the mixture is too crumbly.
  2. Knead the dough for several minutes until it is very smooth and pliable.
  3. Divide the dough into sections according to how many colors you plan to make, roll into large balls.
  4. Make an indentation with your thumb and add 1-2 drops of food color and knead again until the color is fully distributed, repeat if you wish the color to be darker.
  5. Prepare a clean bowl of room temperature water and set aside, you will put the cooked tang yuan in this water after boiling.
  6. Bring a pot of water to boil and add the tang yuan, boiling them for 5 minutes or so, you will know they are done when they float to the top.
  7. Drain and add the tang yuan to the bowl of room temperature water.
  8. Add the 4 cups of water with the ginger and sugar, bring to a boil until dissolved and the ginger flavor has infused, about 3-5 minutes.
  9. Add cooked tang yuan to a bowl and spoon the soup over them, serve, and enjoy!
3.5.3208

Filed Under: Holidays, Treats, Vegan Tagged With: glutinous rice flour, lunar new year, tang yuan, vegan

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Hi, I’m Milena!

Milena Thomas

Welcome to Noms with Moms where I talk about practical living and all forms of nourishment with kids.

My main inspiration for this blog comes from Montessori, which has inspired me over a lifetime. I was a Montessori child, I became a Montessori mom, and now I am also a Montessori teacher!

My goal as a parent has always been to find child and age-appropriate ways to do just about anything and everything with my kids, and I want to encourage other parents to do the same.

I believe that becoming a parent expands our lives, and we can share our wealth of experiences, interests and passions with our children.

Do you love to travel? Travel with your kids! Our family moved to China for a year.

Do you love to cook? Cook with your kids! My 3 year old loves baking muffins.

You are getting the idea, right?

Parents are a child’s first and best teachers – they provide them with what Dr. Montessori called an “aid to life.” I hope to show you creative ways to live your own best life, with your kids.

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